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KENOS IC CONTACT
© TESSISAMESS
[ Communion with Silco is like being doused in cold, polluted water. It feels like taking a breath is difficult, like there's fingers around your throat, pain all over. The water is too-slick like it's almost more pollutants than water, and the water crashes against you, inescapable, even if you were to somehow find the ability to breathe, there is still no escape from the sickening undertow. Somewhere, perhaps deeper in the water, or something else, is a simmering, vile hatred, resentment, and it feels like it should be hot enough to make the water around you boil, even if it's almost too-placid, and too cold. Like all of this hatred is buried deep. Then again, the fact that it feels so close means it must burn so hot. ]
communion, early Pelu/post-gossip.
Let their compatriots chew him out however they saw fit; that was their business. And Amos' was much more narrow in scope, both because he's already well aware that Silco is never going to change β and also because there's the chance he might.
And so, well after everyone has gotten what they've felt they needed to off their chests, in the dead of night, Amos requests his company.
And again, without any preamble, ] Did you see Yima?
[ But he isn't desperate for news on her welfare. He does not know of her state, and is simply convinced that she is still out there somewhere. He doesn't need more than that, confident that she will return, one way or another.
No β it's more a question for Silco, a curiosity he wants an answer on. If you did, did she impart anything on you, because he swears he can sense something. ]
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There is the idle sense of Silco considering his words. ]
See? No.
[ He says.
Amos may think that's the end of it, but Silco's words, the specificity of it hangs in the air. ]
Florence came to get me after I crushed Quezalcoatl. [ In communion, of course, it's easy to sense: he's leaving something out. ] And informed me of Yima's disappearance.
Now, as for whether I believe she is gone, or not...
No. She lingers.
[ He says it with certainty. After all, it was Florence who got him, but he knew the presence within her was not her, not wholly. There were flashes of something else lurking beneath her skin, a presence that Silco understood, and after β understood even more so much about what he had learned since arriving. ]
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[ Amos repeats the phrase that's of interest. Not that Yima lingers; he already figured as much, and Silco's certainty compounds it. He might not be able to reach her himself, but he figures he doesn't need to. Not now, not so soon after what she's given him.
No β it's that Florence came to get Silco, and from what Amos knows of her, she would not do that without a very, very specific reason. For a very, very specific person, confident that he falls in that group alongside Silco.
Which means. ]
We're the same, then. With Zenith. [ With Yima, wherever she ended up, and all it entails to be with her. He doesn't understand everything that Silco does β but he understands that he understands. They've both crossed over to something new. Something good and fulfilling, from Amos' perspectiveβ
But they're opposite aspects, have vastly different priorities in life, and he doesn't know what Silco thinks of it. Just that... it's happened. It's in the both of them now, and so. ]
What did she call you? After.
[ Because if Yima is still here, then one way or another something has been imparted onto Silco, he's sure of it. Maybe not by Yima's hand, the way Amos had experienced it, but β something, and he wants to know what. ]
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[ There's the impression of a lifted eyebrow, and a Direct Gaze, Silco's unblinking eye fixated on Amos. As if he is evaluating, but no, Amos knows. If anything, Amos was more devoted than he was or ever would be to Yima. There was always something that would hold Silco back, even now. Oh, he was devoted to Zenith, and would give everything he had to seeing the last of these worlds destroyed.
But even now, there is something that Silco holds back, a part of himself that is so precious, so carefully protected that he knows that for where he is, Amos is more devoted. Amos would stop a bullet β or more accurately, allow himself to be shattered β if it were to mean saving Yima. Silco did not know that he would do the same.
Ironic, of course, and fitting. Knowing what he did. ]
It should not surprise you, I think. Given whom I am, and what I have done. Where my loyalties lie.
[ The ones he did not share, or care to involve others in, of course.
The impression of his Name is left in Communion to Amos, the knowledge of the Irony, of what it was not lost on him, or likely on Amos. ]
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... Oh.
The sensation of Amos staring back. Then, a blink. Then his eyes shutting entirely, head dipping as away, in the physical world, he brings up a hand to massage at his temples. ]
Right. Of course. [ Exhaustion drips from his voice, already resigned to what this'll mean for the short-term future. (He is not willing to think long-term at this particular moment in time.) ] I should've guessed.
[ He massages his temples a little harder, the force of the impression traversing across communion. Just getting ready for the headache he already knows is coming... ]
Okay, so. Look. I know you're going to keep causing shit β [ Silco is never going to change now, is he. Ugh. He's going to need to get a drink after this. Maybe during β ]
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[ Nevermind that Amos almost certainly also has a target on his back β at least it's from one side only. He tends to get along with Zenites. Wants to be there for them instead of goad them on.
That, and he knows he can handle himself in a fight, but can't say the same for Silco. And besides, to prove him right β ]
That's what Yima'd want me to do, so call me any time you need a save. I'm here for you.
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How... thoughtful of you.
And before you fret too much, let me be clear. I do not do this irrationally. I do not say these things because I am foolish, or ignorant of what it does.
But those who do not have their own reason for being here are those that should be weeded out. If they are so willing to leave because they watch me shatter the person who powered the device that threatened the matron, or because their feelings are hurt, lack resolve.
For all their flaws, and for all that they hate me, those that are here, have lasted through something that has tested their resolve. I do not think Meridian's ranks understand that. They have not questioned the righteousness of what they do, yet. Perhaps they will never do so, for they lack the ability to.
[ The worst thing is, Amos? In Communion, you can tell he means it. Believes it. Silco is used to this, this is how he runs Zaun, this is how they strike the fervor of revolution among his people. He knows what he's doing. For all that they deride him, it just makes him more stubborn.
Because isn't that exactly how Silco is? He just always goes too far. He's had to, perhaps, but it leads to his destruction. Time, and time again. ]
By the way, I don't believe you've done me the courtesy of sharing yours.
[ His Name. ]
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He holds fast against the overwhelming sensation of Silco's belief. Amos does not possess that level of conviction β at least, not to a concept. He does to a select few people, but he doesn't recognize it as a different, but related, breed of faith to what Silco has. The Harbinger to revolution, the Exalt to people... The connection, opposite as their natures may be, still goes right over his head. ]
Rin's worried about you driving people away. We still need people, [ says the Exalt. There's his own plea with it too, though. Strength in numbers. ] And you might not be weeding people out so much as encouraging them to come for you. And Florence isn't going to be there to come get you every time.
[ Like during an Oracle, which surely they can both feel is on the horizon. ]
I know you think you're doing the right thing, but we're on equal ground, right? So if I'm telling you that you can call for me any time you might be in danger, I'm telling you that you're putting yourself in danger. [ The Exalt, again, looking to protect his kin. Silco's who he's ended up with, so yeah, it is thoughtful of him, actually. ] If I'm wrong, then great. No skin off either of our noses. But if I'm right, are you going to listen to me then?
[ And, a pause.
Then, the impression of his Name. A title he's taking seriously, a self-assuredness accompanying it. ]
Don't read too much into it. [ For... obvious reasons. ] But you should probably still listen to me.
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No. ]
Don't worry, Amos. I do not intend to read anything into that.
[ Other than to collect more questions to ask. Silco, after all, had his own... avenues that were yet unexplored. ]
If you are so concerned, then perhaps you should teach them that their high-minded ideals are going to do them wrong, or perhaps admit that what I did was right in public, hm? Oh, you can disagree with the method, but you and I both know that she had to die.
After what she did to Yima, did we have a choice? Could we have let that stand?
[ Silco was, unfortunately, relentless. A man driven and unending in his fervor when it took hold. Oh, he had less of the outright zealotry of the cult, but it was still there. He knew he was right, just as much as he knew he dreamed now of a life after, where before he hadn't. He'd always intended to die in this war. Always.
Now... Now... ]
If needed, I will call on you.
[ Another laugh. ]
If I deem it necessary. Don't be insulted if I still show a lack of trust, hm?
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Now all that's left is to listen. And try not to feel so exasperated as Silco goes on yet again, plunging below his depths instead. The water to Silco's oil. ]
I did say you were right to kill her, and that was before I even knew her role in things. Guess you were too busy to hear me then. [ It's non-judgmental, though. Amos had been busy when he'd ascended, and from the timeline he can piece together, he figures Silco was undergoing something similar β if maybe shittier, because Yima wasn't there in body the way she was for Amos. He'd been legitimately busy. ] Got some pushback for that, but I know you were right. Problem is most people don't tend to think like us. Not even the ones on our side.
[ Like us. Because they'd both understood the necessity of having to kill sometimes, and now... who knows how much more separate they'll become, compared to their less harmonized compatriots. ]
We gotta figure out the right balancing act. Can't scare 'em off.
[ And as Silco laughs, Amos' mouth twists into something of a wry grin. ]
And I don't think you could insult me if you tried. Takes a lot. Just as long as you do it if you need me.
[ Because he can feel that now. That new sense of purpose. For Amos, it's Yima; he assumes for Silco, it's the same. Live for her.
So, ] Gotta see everything through to the end, right?
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No matter. ]
There are plenty who still seem amenable to my... [ amos can see it, what he wants to say: realistic, but he holds off. ] Unique approach. You can soften those who seem to find it detestable just fine. They have soft hearts, and yearn for peace, but seem to not understand the pitfalls that peace provides.
[ After all, Silco saw peace and complacency as the same. Avenues for the rot to set in. ]
After all, we will see it through. I had never intended to do anything less, but...
[ But now? Now? There is a chance. Silco lives for someone, yes, but it is not for Yima, or even Zenith. He believes in them, wholly, but there is a space in his black hole of a heart that holds sanctuary for one person, and she is as safe as he can make her. As if Silco had ever thought to fight for anything else. ]
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Nothing wrong with a little complacency, as long as it's where things are already good for everyone. They can still see to it that things end up that way in the end.
... Maybe not Silco, but. That'll be a later problem. In the meantime Amos huffs a laugh that's almost soft, affectionate. ]
You want me to play good cop to your bad one? [ Unspoken at the end of the sentence is a familial title, the relationship they share that Amos is comfortable with acknowledging. Amused because while it's an apt phrase the idea of either of them playing cop is pretty funny, considering where they both came from. ] Because yeah, I can do that.
[ He's the one who can soften the edges, who can plead to wanting less murder (because he does) and avoid scaring off the less committed among their ranks. So that maybe one day they can join them, yes, but also so their odds of actually seeing things through are increased. So that Silco can still live for, ]
We'll get there. All of us.
[ Well, he'll keep assuming it's for Yima until he discovers otherwise, because of who they are now. Even though he would respect Silco for the truth significantly more β but he figures where they're both at now is good enough, anyway. ]
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[ Implied, of course, is not just Silco's... everything, but the added weight of that name, the knowledge that they shared from experiencing and seeing things, context that is lost to most. Experience and observation that make things apparent.
He wonders, of course, if there is something to that. They all know that there is something else, a weight that now hangs over their heads, given what happened to Yima, and how. ]
I have fought fights like this before, time and time again. Since I was a boy I have been at war with those who would consider themselves my betters. I understand what kindness gets, what it does. I have seen it, and detest it for what it does to people.
[ There is a wealth of context here that Silco does not offer in communion, but is easy to pick out. That was Vander's way, to be kind, and understanding. What it led to was stagnancy in squalor. Fitting, he considers, that it is Amos whom chooses this path, when from the very first moment they had met, Silco had thought of him and his old friend/betrayer as the same. ]
It would be inauthentic, and unbelievable, for me to change paths now, wouldn't it? They know whom I am, even if they do not understand me, or my motivations.
From you, they expect understanding. It would be... entirely in line with what they know of you.
As long as we do not lose sight of the end, and become enraptured with complacency, it will see us through.
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Except they might not be able to get along at all, considering how Amos had liked Vander. Considering how for all of their similar circumstances, they've managed to take vastly different paths β and the thing that bothers him the most is he's far more likely to go down Silco's than Silco ever is his.
He's right. Nobody would buy a change of heart from him. Amos might hope for one, vastly down the line, but as far as this war is concerned? He knows it's not going to happen. ]
Yeah. Alright, I'll keep the blows soft. Might need you to cool it sometimes, but I'll keep people going.
[ A deep breath, because turns out, maybe Silco has somewhat bothered him. ]
Kindness can keep people alive, though. [ Amos doubts he would have lived past childhood without it, but also: ] Yima came to get you, didn't she?
[ A kindness. ]
Look, if this ends up with us having to kill everyone on the other side, then we will. But after? You might have to reevaluate.
[ And who knows how likely that'll be, considering who he's talking to, but.
He would like that. ]
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He couldn't. No, it was advantage, and it's still a puzzle to him, that Yima thought him more valuable than Sebastian and all of his power. Amos didn't know how... much it had cost them yet, and he was not about to share it, either, that Yima had chosen him over the demon. He still remembered it, the feeling of his soul being tugged free, as if it were something tangible within him, and how... that tug had felt both like silencing everything he was, and more painful than the night he'd lost everything. It had been his own foolishness, that he had agreed to that, and had found the noose around his neck.
It was Yima's benevolence that had helped him slip it.
It garnered respect, but not adulation. Understanding, but not love. Yima was not kind, she was simply... mercenary. Silco understood that. He knew it better than probably most. And it is that knowledge, and the knowledge that they are the same, that causes him to share: ]
Kindness is a tool. One that only the right hands can wield. Yima understands that better than anyone.
After all, she was the one who asked me to make sure we had monsters on our side, you know. She understood what I do, that there is a time and place for power and muscle and a time and place for kindness and cajoling.
As long as those we utilize our strengths with believe, of course. Less than that, and they become a hindrance.
We would do best to keep that in mind.
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And Silco is apparently more broken than he ever was, which is difficult to fathom, that there's absolutely no breaking through. Amos will point out objective fact β that Yima came for him β and Silco will brush it aside with talk of tools and timeliness, reducing that precious love down to a sociopathic practicality.
Fuck's sake, he wants to growl out, and leaves the impression of it to his mind instead. There's no reasoning here. There's no argument to be won, because you can't argue with a brick wall. There's just... ]
Don't insult me. [ Amos responds with teeth, jaws snapping; Silco would do well to remember he isn't the only monster here. And apparently Amos can get offended, after all. ] You look into what my name means and tell me what I'm getting out of it other than kindness. Yima can give me that, and you reduce it to a tool. A tool for fucking what.
[ He'd already announced it, an exploration into what he thinks is the right thing to do. It's baby steps, he knows. He's still figuring it out. But he's committed to it β and has not forgotten that it was Silco's idea that resulted in the vast majority of the deaths in Springstar. Amos takes responsibility for it, because he has to, but it hadn't come from him. ]
We're utilizing our strengths. We only got so much time to perfect them, but we will. But maybe you would do best to keep in mind that there are ways that aren't yours, and you're going to have to accept them, or you're not going to like what comes after.
[ He wants his perfect world in the life after. Wants to be there with Yima, with everyone else who will come. Wants peace, and kindness, and for men like him and Silco to have no place, shaped into something new and better.
And for as much as Amos can vow to protect Silco as though he's his own, there's the other side of that: he can vow to put him in time out until he grows the fuck up and stops threatening what he (and by extension Yima, he assumes) wants. They both understand violence, so surely he can understand this, too. ]
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Silco doesn't voice it, that need to fight, because Amos is devoted, not less than he is, but in a way that prioritizes heart over mind, and he understands that it is the reason for his name. He may not recognize it, and hell, he may see it as something else, but Silco can see it. The choice for what it is. Something that makes Amos feel loved, and oh, he was certain there was... something from Yima, but if Amos were to be inconvenient slightly more?
Would she have done the same?
If Silco were to question anything, doubt it, or become more inconvenient, would he have been saved? Would he have been saved if he hadn't just murdered Quetzalcoatl?
He keeps it to himself, of course. Because like always, when Silco speaks his mind, when he is honest about the realities, this is what happens. He knew it from the beginning, of course, hadn't he? What Amos was like, how similar he was to someone else that he knew. All heart, no brain. No calculation, only brawn. That was why he'd been needed after all, wasn't it? Why Amos had come to him? To make that hard choice, and therefore it doesn't have to lie on his conscience, while Silco took the fall for murdering people in Springstar's streets.
After all, he was happy to be the monster they all saw. ]
Don't worry, Amos. [ It's mock cheery, as if he is talking to one of those investigators, who often came by, to "investigate" his work. The ones that Marcus had to send down that he had to play nice with, even though everything in him wanted to drive a knife into their back. Not quite to that level with Amos, though it is close. ] I have not forgotten.
Just know that this world we are building is a committee. We will all give and take. There are certain things that I want for this world, and none of it has anything to do with me.
Just remember that sometimes thinking with your heart leads you to ignore that which is before you. It is a trap that many fall into β I did as well, and ignored the evidence once. It is a mistake I will not make again.
[ A sensation of clasped hands in communion. ] Though, I'm quite glad it is you she has tasked with this and not I. Just remember what my Name means, hm? [ Who it is ]
There are worse fates than it being I.
[ After all, Silco had not done the unthinkable. ]
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Words are not his domain, after all. Raw physicality is, but maybe one day feelings, too. Heart. Because Amos has had to fight since childhood, a constant battle for survival β but in him, he knows he wants better.
And Silco does not, and it's going to drive him mad. ]
I like the other one more. [ It's petty, but after how his recent talks have gone? It's true, despite what had occurred. ] I hear your shit about committees. It'll happen. But at the same time? I am not letting you fuck this up.
[ Their new world is going to be good. Amos will see to that, will fight and scrap and claw until it's established as such. Silco warns him against thinking with his heart, and it goes in one ear and out the other β because there's so little that Amos actually wants, but he wants this, and will get himself fucked up in the pursuit to achieve it and never notice.
He trusts Silco to help see Zenith's victory through. But once they're there, and the next step comes? Where they have to build? That's when it's most likely to get especially ugly between them, and Amos is preparing for what feels like the eventuality of it. ]
But if you want to talk about not making the same mistake twice β don't mock me again.
[ Because he wants it. Wants his Name. Wants his new world. And if Silco is going to pose a threat to that like he suspects he will, he'll be ready. ]
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His Name is Apt, as he will realize later when information is shared with him, but there's a moment where there is an implied stare, both eyes unblinking, mismatched. ]
I have already given up more than you could imagine to be here, do not think that my sacrifices will be in vain.
[ His humanity was gone, his actual life, and his hand, and everything else would be with it, and he knew that. He would cut himself into pieces for this world to be perfect, and it would not be perfect for Amos Burton. He intended to ensure that it would be perfect for one person, and one person only. He didn't even care if he didn't see it. He never had. It was too much to hope for, to be given such a gift. If he even got to hold his daughter once more? That would be enough.
There is a flicker of that conviction, something amorphous but strong, a devotion to something that was not here but it was truly powerful enough that even Silco couldn't hide it. It could almost be seen as β love? Twisted, and careful, and oh-so powerful but as quick as it surfaces, it's gone.
Just a flicker, before he drags it back down into the hidden depths of the dark, cold waters in his communion. He did not dare let too much out, but if Amos doubted him β then perhaps he would be reminded of this. ]
Just remember, Amos, that you are not the only of conviction, and not the only one that deserves this world. I am not building this for me.
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Silco, of all people, should be able to understand that.
But for that flicker. There and gone, but something strong enough to make an impression, however brief. It stops Amos in his tracks, gaze darting away as if he's looking for its source, rumble stilling. He hardly knows what love is β certainly not enough to put its name to something so brief β but it still felt like something positive. Or if not positive, then at least... something to strive for. Like Silco isn't a total lost cause, as Amos had been on the verge of writing him off as one.
He almost doesn't hear what Silco says next, too busy focusing on that flicker. What it meant.
I am not building this for me, and. ]
Okay. [ Not a surrender, but a concession, instant and without fuss. It isn't all about Silco, and Amos can live with that. That should mean that he isn't in danger of losing his shit, tearing down everything they're working for. So that he isn't working on burning it all to the ground because he's a petty, spiteful man β but he's working for someone else.
Shockingly, that works just fine for an Exalt. ] Okay. Then we'll still build it together. With... with whoever else joins us, when we make it to the end. We'll all work on it together. Build it for everyone else.
[ It's exactly what Yima wants them to do, too. He's sure of it. So... okay. They'll do it. Amos will lower his hackles, and they'll get there. ]
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Amos pauses, and Silco can feel it, the way he immediately backs down.
(Perhaps, having emotions is good?
No, it is the Exalts who are wrong.)
Though, as he softens, or perhaps concedes, and understands that Silco is not making this world to be burned down β it was never that, but he intended for it to be a place for those who sought, and hungered, to find places to succeed. To become more powerful. To give and take, but there is a philosophy there that is as much a part of Silco as anything else. ]
We will achieve it. Just as soon as we rip the remaining oracles from Meridian hands β and the rest of them, as well.
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[ Whatever Silco's true intentions are... Well, he might have to have words with him then. But in the now there's no need; in the now they've reached an understanding. Something they may need to do time and time again, because it's what Yima will want from them, andβ
Well, they got over this particular bump in the road smoothly enough. They can do it again. And again...
It'll be fine. ]
We'll lead the way, then. We'll be the last ones standing.
[ And, because they both know the next one will be coming soon β the next stage of their fight, the beginning of tipping the scales back in their favour, permanently β there's the impression of Amos meeting Silco's gaze once again, unflinching and with something that could almost be considered affection, if it could come naturally to him.
Maybe one day. Under Yima's guidance. ]
See you on the other side, brother.
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Well. Yima would find a replacement, right? He would shore up his defenses and he would gird himself from the aftermath as best he could.
After all, he knew what ostracization was, and he expected it, given his name. Perhaps, more than most, he'd learned enough to know precisely what was expected of him. Good thing he thought he was on the right path.
He doesn't voice it, and keeps his communion leak tight, to not let anything through. Amos was volatile, and easy to set off, if he did not say the right words, do the right things, speak exactly as he wanted. He had to remember that. His fervency was of a different source, and that meant he would always have to be particularly cautious.
Despite the tone of address, the familiarity. When was the last time he had called someone that?
Ah yes. Sometime before the β static β ]
Yes. We will persevere. See you at the end of our next trial.
[ The word, perhaps, is a touch more loaded for Silco than it is Amos. ]