Did you consider how much I've used it? When? How long ago? Or at what dosage? It can be medicinal, as I said. If it were dangerous, I would know. I am not jeopardizing Zaun's future for a "hit".
[ Silco like: I've been using for over a decade because idk my eye is rotting out of my skull or smth ]
I did consider it, yes. That's where my concern comes from....
Clearly, you know how to dose using it, otherwise you would have other problems, but using something like that long term can't be good for you. The dosage may make the poison (or the hit, in this case), but over time that adage changes a bit!
Or if you prefer, blame it on the imprint.
...Actually, how do you feel about your imprints anyways? I'm not asking about myself, truly, just generally. No offense, but you don't exactly strike me as the worrying sort.
It was specifically dosed and catered to my specific needs. Don't discount the genius of the man who made it. What's on the street is not the same as what I carried.
It's what saved my eye, after all, and kept the flesh from rotting from my face.
[ It's!!! FINE!!! ]
I loathe them, is that not obvious? It is a tool that Patho-Gen serves to use against us, and if I could find the way to break them, I would.
[ Silco... doesn't like it. It's not the people. Well, not all of the people. It's the power over him. The way it draws him. Drags him in. Makes him feel like something. Like he should give in to them, or have them around, or enjoy their company. How long, until it softens him? Makes him weak? He knows it can. It will try. ]
I'm not discounting it. I'm glad it helped you—truly!—but I think what both you and Ms. Medara have told me about it also means it's perfectly fair to be worried about it too.
But I'll let it go. The point is more that I *will* worry about you, whether you like it or not~
[ Granted. Without the imprint, Hugo would probably still worry about him, but certainly not as intensely. ]
Anyways. It's obvious, yes. [ like you're a no friends loser my guy, ] That's why I ask. Your perspective is cynical, but it's grounding. I admit that I find it difficult to stay moored at times with how much
I'm not completely sure how to put it, but I think you'll understand what I mean. External emotion? Those foisted upon us since there are seemingly so many ways to do it.
I think you should cease with the worrying. Consider it this way: do I seem the type to do anything that is senseless or useless towards my goals? Shimmer included, it is a necessity.
[ Don't worry about me!!! ]
I do indeed know what you mean, regarding the imprints. I, too, hate them. The creeping knowledge that emotions and... fondness come from not within, but from an influence borne from your connection to others.
Do you think I don't feel it? I do.
I choose to look at it with a critical eye, regardless.
[ When Silco argues, it's really hard, but... He's doing as promised. He's letting it go. Get worried about, idiot. ] As do I. I may be sociable, but I prefer to keep people at armās length, believe it or not.
[ A lie, but a complex one. He doesnāt prefer itāhe deeply wants to be close to peopleābut he canāt trust it. Either heāll be used or abandoned, so heās felt that heās protecting himself to keep people away. Here, though? It feels like picking at a wound. He spends time with his imprints and enjoys it, sometimes even admits more than he would normally think wise, and then when itās all done? Itās agonizing. ]
Itāll go poorly, eventually. Itās inevitable, isnāt it? An imprint will die or simply ādisappearā under Patho-Genās direction, and weāre left with the wreckage of that. Even just speaking of it twists at me.
So, more broadly speaking. How long until an Augmented goes mad from the process because theyāre *not* discerning? Before they do something that has themāand therefore all of usāseen as rabid dogs that must be put down? There's a reason that I haven't breathed a word about how Takasugi attacked me.
[ And because he's a deeply fucked up guy, but. Let's focus on the practical. ]
I canāt say these thoughts keep me up at night, considering that I no longer sleep, but eternal wakefulness gives me plenty of time to consider it all the same.
In some ways he does, in some ways he doesn't. Hugo doesn't seem the type, to fully eschew closeness, and a need to be with people.
Then again, if Silco were even remotely honest with himself, didn't he, too seek and desire someone to be close to? He cannot. He cannot, but how quickly had he picked up a little girl in the rain, and hold her close, and tell her it would be alright? How easily?
He needed it, too. He couldn't have it. The cost was too great. ]
That's the disadvantage. It's why I keep telling them to be cautious. They can hardly avoid it, as is obvious by how quickly it happened to us. Incidentally.
But we must not be foolish about it.
How long until they use it to manipulate us. How long until it is used?
We cannot chance it. It's why I remind them that it is best to function without it, despite the... "advantages", as they say. An advantage is not always worth the price.
It's the incidental part that's frustrating... If it were at least something conscious, then good, let these idiots get as overly attached as they want. But, no. It's far too easy to happen.
[ There were some he approached intentionally, such as the experiment he now regrets participating in, but otherwise? He didn't intend any of them. Most were just reasonable and friendly, but not all. His imprint with Set stands in the same category as Silco's. For him, it only seems to take high emotions, and he doesn't like that. ]
Whenever they decide to use it, it'll be effective. It's far too easy to imagine half of our populous submitting simply because an imprinted friend was in danger. How lucky for us that they chose silence instead of a whip when they took people for those experiments, right?
[ For Silco, it's a rare thing. It should be conscious. He can make that deal, weather it and calculate it, and then make the conscious decision to accept it. He did so with Set, with John Silver. Even with Mel. He'd done so because it was a necessity. Because it was meaningful.
With Hugo, it had been incidental. Accidental.
That didn't settle well with him. Did he mind that it was Hugo? Not particularly. They were similar enough, and had similar goals.
It was that he hadn't been given the choice. ]
I do not doubt that they will. Perhaps they think that we need to be closer, first. Perhaps they do not see it as necessary yet. They will, and I think we will pay as a whole, because people cannot restrain themselves like they should.
[ He doesnāt like to think about it. Itās painful to think about, partially because of the imprint truly insisting that he carry every connection like itās part of his own soul, but also because he doesnāt like when he has to face those kinds of decisions. Heās softer than Silco, and they both know it.
However, it doesnāt mean he wouldnāt make the decision. You simply canāt be a criminal without that resolve. You have to be able to condemn your conspirators, coworkers, friends. He has before. He will again. It just always weighs more heavily on him than heād like. ]
Itās a day Iām not looking forward to. To put it lightly. I think the best I can hope for is that a contingent of rational people remains whenever it comes.
[ You can almost hear the sigh in that textā¦ ]
Well! On that happy note, I do think thatās just about everything I wanted to talk about. And more, as usual. So, Iāll leave you to your evening~
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
No, they want to eradicate it.
Give the Zaunites a taste of something that can change their fortunes, and of course they want to remove it from play.
To them, it represents change. The change of our fortunes. They are afraid of it.
no subject
But I take your point.
Out of curiosity, have you used it?
no subject
I have used it, in fact.
[ Daily. Even now. Does he need to? He doesn't want to find out if he loses his eye, if he stops. ]
no subject
I know you don't need or want it, but old man, you worry me, you know!
cw: eye mention lmao
Why?
Did you consider how much I've used it? When? How long ago? Or at what dosage? It can be medicinal, as I said. If it were dangerous, I would know. I am not jeopardizing Zaun's future for a "hit".
[ Silco like: I've been using for over a decade because idk my eye is rotting out of my skull or smth ]
double icon but it's just the vibe...
Clearly, you know how to dose using it, otherwise you would have other problems, but using something like that long term can't be good for you. The dosage may make the poison (or the hit, in this case), but over time that adage changes a bit!
Or if you prefer, blame it on the imprint.
...Actually, how do you feel about your imprints anyways? I'm not asking about myself, truly, just generally. No offense, but you don't exactly strike me as the worrying sort.
no subject
It's what saved my eye, after all, and kept the flesh from rotting from my face.
[ It's!!! FINE!!! ]
I loathe them, is that not obvious? It is a tool that Patho-Gen serves to use against us, and if I could find the way to break them, I would.
[ Silco... doesn't like it. It's not the people. Well, not all of the people. It's the power over him. The way it draws him. Drags him in. Makes him feel like something. Like he should give in to them, or have them around, or enjoy their company. How long, until it softens him? Makes him weak? He knows it can. It will try. ]
no subject
But I'll let it go. The point is more that I *will* worry about you, whether you like it or not~
[ Granted. Without the imprint, Hugo would probably still worry about him, but certainly not as intensely. ]
Anyways. It's obvious, yes. [ like you're a no friends loser my guy, ] That's why I ask. Your perspective is cynical, but it's grounding. I admit that I find it difficult to stay moored at times with how much
I'm not completely sure how to put it, but I think you'll understand what I mean. External emotion? Those foisted upon us since there are seemingly so many ways to do it.
no subject
[ Don't worry about me!!! ]
I do indeed know what you mean, regarding the imprints. I, too, hate them. The creeping knowledge that emotions and... fondness come from not within, but from an influence borne from your connection to others.
Do you think I don't feel it? I do.
I choose to look at it with a critical eye, regardless.
no subject
As do I. I may be sociable, but I prefer to keep people at armās length, believe it or not.
[ A lie, but a complex one. He doesnāt prefer itāhe deeply wants to be close to peopleābut he canāt trust it. Either heāll be used or abandoned, so heās felt that heās protecting himself to keep people away. Here, though? It feels like picking at a wound. He spends time with his imprints and enjoys it, sometimes even admits more than he would normally think wise, and then when itās all done? Itās agonizing. ]
Itāll go poorly, eventually. Itās inevitable, isnāt it? An imprint will die or simply ādisappearā under Patho-Genās direction, and weāre left with the wreckage of that. Even just speaking of it twists at me.
So, more broadly speaking. How long until an Augmented goes mad from the process because theyāre *not* discerning? Before they do something that has themāand therefore all of usāseen as rabid dogs that must be put down? There's a reason that I haven't breathed a word about how Takasugi attacked me.
[ And because he's a deeply fucked up guy, but. Let's focus on the practical. ]
I canāt say these thoughts keep me up at night, considering that I no longer sleep, but eternal wakefulness gives me plenty of time to consider it all the same.
no subject
In some ways he does, in some ways he doesn't. Hugo doesn't seem the type, to fully eschew closeness, and a need to be with people.
Then again, if Silco were even remotely honest with himself, didn't he, too seek and desire someone to be close to? He cannot. He cannot, but how quickly had he picked up a little girl in the rain, and hold her close, and tell her it would be alright? How easily?
He needed it, too. He couldn't have it. The cost was too great. ]
That's the disadvantage. It's why I keep telling them to be cautious. They can hardly avoid it, as is obvious by how quickly it happened to us. Incidentally.
But we must not be foolish about it.
How long until they use it to manipulate us. How long until it is used?
We cannot chance it. It's why I remind them that it is best to function without it, despite the... "advantages", as they say. An advantage is not always worth the price.
no subject
It's the incidental part that's frustrating... If it were at least something conscious, then good, let these idiots get as overly attached as they want. But, no. It's far too easy to happen.
[ There were some he approached intentionally, such as the experiment he now regrets participating in, but otherwise? He didn't intend any of them. Most were just reasonable and friendly, but not all. His imprint with Set stands in the same category as Silco's. For him, it only seems to take high emotions, and he doesn't like that. ]
Whenever they decide to use it, it'll be effective. It's far too easy to imagine half of our populous submitting simply because an imprinted friend was in danger. How lucky for us that they chose silence instead of a whip when they took people for those experiments, right?
no subject
[ For Silco, it's a rare thing. It should be conscious. He can make that deal, weather it and calculate it, and then make the conscious decision to accept it. He did so with Set, with John Silver. Even with Mel. He'd done so because it was a necessity. Because it was meaningful.
With Hugo, it had been incidental. Accidental.
That didn't settle well with him. Did he mind that it was Hugo? Not particularly. They were similar enough, and had similar goals.
It was that he hadn't been given the choice. ]
I do not doubt that they will. Perhaps they think that we need to be closer, first. Perhaps they do not see it as necessary yet. They will, and I think we will pay as a whole, because people cannot restrain themselves like they should.
š
However, it doesnāt mean he wouldnāt make the decision. You simply canāt be a criminal without that resolve. You have to be able to condemn your conspirators, coworkers, friends. He has before. He will again. It just always weighs more heavily on him than heād like. ]
Itās a day Iām not looking forward to. To put it lightly. I think the best I can hope for is that a contingent of rational people remains whenever it comes.
[ You can almost hear the sigh in that textā¦ ]
Well! On that happy note, I do think thatās just about everything I wanted to talk about. And more, as usual. So, Iāll leave you to your evening~