[ He doesn't pull away from her fingers, because Silco doesn't pull away from his daughter, but his hand encircled her wrist, reaching out to grip her, tight. ]
He tried to kill me. When I tried to escape, he tried to grab me and pull me back under the water. Does that sound like anything other than a ploy to try again?
I'm sure he wrote it just well enough. [ His fingers tighten, just a hair more. ] Apologized, justified it, and then begged me to come back, because if I was the same man I'd been before, I would have been foolish enough to.
[ It's why he'd never returned to that place. To the mines. No, Silco had slid down into the forgotten places, the parts of Zaun that the Lanes wanted to forget. It is where he'd found the Doctor, and it is where he'd found out about Shimmer. It's where he'd started to put together a plan to fix this, while he watched Zaun stifle itself, beholden to whatever the lanes wanted. ]
He was always good at playing at genuine. Even when it didn't quite reach his eyes.
[ After all, that must have been how it happened, he'd never seen it coming. He should have, he was not stupid, even as a boy. ]
(she didn't miss the way his bony fingers gripped against her. all this time, she physically could yank it off, and yet, the hold he has on her runs much deeper than muscle and bone. it's the reason why she can't.)
I killed you.
(she can't hurt him again, but she can remind him of that fact. vander tried, she succeeded. and she's here, sitting on his legs, her hair half-braided, an effort he will have to restart due to the pause they are taking to go on this little ride.)
I think he wanted to fix it, Silco. I want to fix it. You, us, them. I can fix it.
[ He holds her there. Even when she says the words they both know exist, but aren't saying. ]
That's different.
[ He says. That she killed him. It is, in his mind. She was...different. It was always going to be a possibility. It was an accident, wasn't it? It hadn't been intentional.
It was their fault, he'd already decided. Jayce Talis, Topside, the topsider girl who'd let Vi out of jail. He hated them all. So, somuch. He could hate them easily. He could never blame Jinx. ]
It's long broken. [ Is there a flicker of something else there? Underneath the fervent hate, the anger, the rage, and the desperation. Is there something else that lingers just under the surface? It doesn't quite rise to it. His fingers falter, loosen. ] I don't think that is something that can be fixed.
[ He reaches up, to hold her cheek. ]
There's nothing to fix, with us. We aren't the broken ones. Maybe we were, once, but we put it all back together. On our own. Without them to force us into what they wanted. To shape us into something weak, and wanting. You already fixed yourself.
(it was different, but the result was nearly the same. what vander couldn't do, trying, jinx has with her extreme luck, fast reflexes, and a string of jixing to everything she puts her hands on. it was an accident, and some days, she is fine with saying it. she will proudly announce it with how much of a screwed up individual she ended up being; others, she won't bear to even say it. as everything in her life, she fluctuates, and she can't make up her mind.
and yet, she just wants silco to understand. the grip loosens on her wrist, turns into a carress, and yet, she can't make herself say it now. instead, she'll just go back to nesting on him as she were, tapping her hair to tell him he screwed up and that he should start over.)
[ She taps her hair, and he gets right back to it. Silco isn't exactly great at it, her braids never turned out quite right, not unless she did it herself, but there's something to the ritual. He used to do it for her when she'd been younger, and couldn't. It's like a little piece of what they'd once had. Something they did together, because it was a reminder that she was his daughter, that he would do anything for her.
No matter what happened. No matter if she killed him, she wasn't to blame for it. The enforcer, the sister. They were the ones at fault, in the end. Not her. Not him. Topside, topside, it's always topside. ]
Don't worry. I've done everything I can to avoid him, and I don't intend to go looking for trouble.
(This conversation will age very poorly, but as of now, she's enjoying being taken care of. It's been a little while since she has had this, and while she is fully aware of the fact she will have to redo these braids as soon as he is out the door, there's something very soothing about having his long fingers against her hair.
It brings out some memories that have been coming up to her ever since he has passed. Grief is funny, it comes with pangs of rage when tied to her less than pleasant memories, but when they're good ones? They make her return to his office, search for that same warmth that no one else knows exists.
[ He promised not to go looking for him!! That part he held to!
So he just hums a note of acquiescence, no false promises, or anything like that, but he sifts his fingers through her hair, because it's a memory for him too. Before everything went wrong, before it was turned sideways by everyone else. Vi. The enforcer. The firelights. Marcus. The Chembarons.
They were all trying to take it away from him. They'd succeeded in their own way, they'd driven a wedge between them. He wanted to remove it, fast as he could, before Vander tried to drive it in deeper with all of his might. He could. He knew it. He didn't know Jinx like Silco did, though. He didn't know his daughter, or what she needed to function. Only he did.
This wasn't something the did often anymore, but it's at least something. A ritual they have that makes the world feel a little bit more like it should. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ He doesn't pull away from her fingers, because Silco doesn't pull away from his daughter, but his hand encircled her wrist, reaching out to grip her, tight. ]
He tried to kill me. When I tried to escape, he tried to grab me and pull me back under the water. Does that sound like anything other than a ploy to try again?
I'm sure he wrote it just well enough. [ His fingers tighten, just a hair more. ] Apologized, justified it, and then begged me to come back, because if I was the same man I'd been before, I would have been foolish enough to.
[ It's why he'd never returned to that place. To the mines. No, Silco had slid down into the forgotten places, the parts of Zaun that the Lanes wanted to forget. It is where he'd found the Doctor, and it is where he'd found out about Shimmer. It's where he'd started to put together a plan to fix this, while he watched Zaun stifle itself, beholden to whatever the lanes wanted. ]
He was always good at playing at genuine. Even when it didn't quite reach his eyes.
[ After all, that must have been how it happened, he'd never seen it coming. He should have, he was not stupid, even as a boy. ]
no subject
I killed you.
(she can't hurt him again, but she can remind him of that fact. vander tried, she succeeded. and she's here, sitting on his legs, her hair half-braided, an effort he will have to restart due to the pause they are taking to go on this little ride.)
I think he wanted to fix it, Silco. I want to fix it. You, us, them. I can fix it.
no subject
That's different.
[ He says. That she killed him. It is, in his mind. She was...different. It was always going to be a possibility. It was an accident, wasn't it? It hadn't been intentional.
It was their fault, he'd already decided. Jayce Talis, Topside, the topsider girl who'd let Vi out of jail. He hated them all. So, somuch. He could hate them easily. He could never blame Jinx. ]
It's long broken. [ Is there a flicker of something else there? Underneath the fervent hate, the anger, the rage, and the desperation. Is there something else that lingers just under the surface? It doesn't quite rise to it. His fingers falter, loosen. ] I don't think that is something that can be fixed.
[ He reaches up, to hold her cheek. ]
There's nothing to fix, with us. We aren't the broken ones. Maybe we were, once, but we put it all back together. On our own. Without them to force us into what they wanted. To shape us into something weak, and wanting. You already fixed yourself.
[ Because she's perfect, remember? ]
no subject
and yet, she just wants silco to understand. the grip loosens on her wrist, turns into a carress, and yet, she can't make herself say it now. instead, she'll just go back to nesting on him as she were, tapping her hair to tell him he screwed up and that he should start over.)
... Just don't make this harder, Silco.
no subject
No matter what happened. No matter if she killed him, she wasn't to blame for it. The enforcer, the sister. They were the ones at fault, in the end. Not her. Not him. Topside, topside, it's always topside. ]
Don't worry. I've done everything I can to avoid him, and I don't intend to go looking for trouble.
[ He means it, too. ]
Let's hope he gets the word as well.
[ He expects Jinx will spread it to him too. ]
no subject
It brings out some memories that have been coming up to her ever since he has passed. Grief is funny, it comes with pangs of rage when tied to her less than pleasant memories, but when they're good ones? They make her return to his office, search for that same warmth that no one else knows exists.
It's just not there anymore.)
I believe you.
no subject
So he just hums a note of acquiescence, no false promises, or anything like that, but he sifts his fingers through her hair, because it's a memory for him too. Before everything went wrong, before it was turned sideways by everyone else. Vi. The enforcer. The firelights. Marcus. The Chembarons.
They were all trying to take it away from him. They'd succeeded in their own way, they'd driven a wedge between them. He wanted to remove it, fast as he could, before Vander tried to drive it in deeper with all of his might. He could. He knew it. He didn't know Jinx like Silco did, though. He didn't know his daughter, or what she needed to function. Only he did.
This wasn't something the did often anymore, but it's at least something. A ritual they have that makes the world feel a little bit more like it should. ]